| (no subject) |
[Nov. 28th, 2009|10:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  heartbroken | ] |
What am I supposed to do now?
Now that I need to move out, now that I can't tell Tim my every worry, my every thought, my every joy, my every small annoyance. He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to be near me. He just wants me to move out as soon as possible. Sooner, even. So he can be alone with what's her face when she comes to visit.
One minute, I'm fine. The next, I'm so heartsick I feel like my chest is caving in. I've had a migraine since Thursday, and that doesn't help at all.
I just hurt so bad, and I just want to undo the past three years, and go back to being who I was growing up to be. |
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| the future is unwritten |
[Nov. 28th, 2009|01:25 am] |
your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank
submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light
but it beats the
darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you
chances.
know them, take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death
in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will
be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have
it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in
you.
crimethinc.com |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|01:46 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | heartbroken | ] |
Five years and it's over.
Ironic timing. I still have the card I gave him for last anniversary.
Virginia chick, you better treat him well. |
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| Forget Your Fear. And Want No More. |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|03:14 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Solitary- VnV Nation | ] |
Set me aflame and cast me free
Away you wretched world of tethers
Through the endless night and day
I have never wanted more.
Always thought that I would stand
Before the faceless name of Justice
Like some law unto myself
Like a child of God again.
And if rain brings winds of change
Let it rain on us forever
I have no doubts from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
With this line I'll mark the past
As a symbol of beginning
I have no doubt from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
In this picture stands a man
Far away, alone and distant
Like a solitary field
In some nameless foreign land.
All around him points of light
Start to dim and cease transmitting
Shadows fell on futile games
And then there was nothing more.
Through the screams of falling steel
By the light of flares and wisdom
All the doubts I could not face
All this time I wanted more.
With a line I mark the past
As a symbol of beginning
To the gods whose names we've lost
And the names who gave in vain.
And if rain brings winds of change
Let it rain on us forever
I have no doubts from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
With this line I'll mark the past
As a symbol of beginning
I have no doubt from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
Set me aflame and cast me free
Away you wretched world of tethers
Through the endless night and day
I have never wanted more.
Always thought that I would stand
Before the faceless name of Justice
Like some law unto myself
Like a child of God again.
And if rain brings winds of change
Let it rain on us forever
I have no doubts from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
With this line I'll mark the past
As a symbol of beginning
I have no doubt from what I've seen
I have never wanted more.
Sever the line to the guilty past
To the ones who brought us nothing
Spoke of futures brave and proud
And brought only hate and war.
Lined the roads with hollow praise
Marked the land with paper statues
Shadows fell on their futile ways
And then there was nothing more
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|10:53 pm] |
I browsed through some friend's photos tonight, and noticed two things:
1.)No one has pictures of me and them together
2.) All of my pictures were taken at home.
God, I didn't realise how freakin' boring I am until I did that. Christ. It's time to start having some actual fun, shit. Before I get old. (Not that I don't already feel old.)
Exercise is back on. Just because I'm working and busy with that shit, doesn't mean I shouldn't be exercising my ass off still.
And can I just say..Moving canNOT come soon enough.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|11:22 pm] |
Oh my god, Salem was so much fun. Josh and I mostly just walked around and looked at stuff, but I love people watching and walking around.
And if you're ever in Salem, check out Hex on Essex St. Most freakin' awesome occult store ever. If I ever do get my own shop, I'd want it to be like that. Thanks to Hex, I am now in possesion of some coffin nails, and a NEW Key of Solomon pentacle necklace. If this one dissapears too, I will be all kinds of pissed, Universe.
And when I got home from the most BORING. DAY. EVER. (I basically got paid to do nothing today.), Tim told me his professor friend from New York City would have us as guests for a weekend sometime, if we wanted. Which is awesome. I freakin love NYC. I'm so excited, I can't wait. |
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| Teehee, Teehee |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|03:21 am] |
03:16] TyjiFeku: OH GOD
[03:16] *** Auto-response from Misanthropex777x: Leading the resistance against our raptor overlords, be back later
[03:16] Misanthropex777x: ?
[03:16] TyjiFeku: I TAUGHT JOSH HOW TO USE THE INTERNET
[03:17] Misanthropex777x: yay
[03:17] TyjiFeku: No good can come of this
[03:17] TyjiFeku: Nay, only mischief and giggling may come of it. |
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| :D |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|11:06 pm] |
Me and Josh are going to Salem on Sunday, damnit.
ICE CREAM WITH JIMMIES AND A BALLOON TO ANYONE ELSE WHO COMES WITH. :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|04:01 pm] |
http://community.livejournal.com/abandonedplaces/1651741.html
Decay, to me, has it's own sort of sad beauty.
Photos of Pripyat, a Chernobyl worker's city. It's still irradiated, some 23 years later. A city of 50,000, stopped dead in it's tracks.
It's tragic, melancholy, and utterly beautiful.
For some reason, the photos of children's toys covered plaster and dust really got me. |
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| ..Bathubs Full Of Glowflies, Bath In Kerosene..Their Words Tattooed In His Veins.. |
[Oct. 8th, 2009|02:10 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Santeria- Sublime | ] |
Ugh. I..need to get this off my chest.
So, f-list, part of the reason I've been so unhappy lately is because about a month ago, I got a forwarded email from my mother saying she was going into rehab for six months. No phone call, hadn't spoken to her in about a month and a half prior to this..and..yeah. I haven't gotten any letters from her, and I'm not sure I can write her a letter and maintain my civility.
For some reason, when it comes to my mother and her abuse of prescription substances, I lose all sympathy, understanding and the patience I am so well-attributed with. (Yeah, I don't know either. People constantly tell me I have the patience of a saint.) Perhaps because she has been playing this game for so long. I now have a hard time believing she does these things (Checking herself into the hospital, going to rehab) because she wants to get better. Instead, I think she does them because she is in love with her misery, and because she wants the attention.
Also, for some reason, I just find it impossible to forgive her for the myriad things that went wrong during my childhood.
I'm also unhappy with where I'm at in my life. I need to delete a certain fire spinner off my MySpace friend's list, because looking at her omgawesomelifedesu!~ makes me depressed.
I made a lot of really bad choices as a teenager and now I'm paying for them, hardcore. Someday, I'll be able to live my life the way I want, but..not yet. And it's the waiting, and trying to fix things, that's killing me.
I'd rather be off, doing whatever creative thing I decide to do with my life, not..working at some shitty department store getting yelled at all day for minimum fucking wage. Hopefully the (second) job at the carousel pans out. Please, ye Gods, let it pan out. I desperately need that job, and it seems like it doesn't suck too hard.
But, I am trying to take a step in the right direction-- I sent my mom's old friend Julie, who runs Heron Pond Studio, an email asking her if she could give me some advice on how to go about learning glassworking and silversmithing, or if she could point me in the direction of someone who can help me. I'm hoping for something a little more informative than "I dunno, go to Corning?", but we'll see.
I'm determined to make my life not suck.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|12:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vanilla Twilight- Owl City | ] |
I'm so hurt and frustrated with my life that I want to cry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|09:42 pm] |
Has anyone else seen Shakira's new video, She Wolf?
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aEW_Z5Va5s )
Friggin' amazing! I love this new disco thing she's doing. It's so unlike her! :D
I've been watching hers, and Beyonce's music videos for the past couple of days, and oh god I so want to get back into bellydancing and learn to spin poi.
Also, Rammstein's new video makes me wtf.
First day of training was today. GOD SO BORING. Three hours of staring at a computer screen, reading the same shit over and over and taking dumb tests. Ugh. The rest of the week, too. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|04:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
I am really fucking tired of having my driving made fun of.
Fuck off, my driving isn't that bad. In fact, my driving isn't bad at all. You can all keep making fun of me for not going twenty miles over the fucking speed limit to get anywhere, but oh hey guess what? Unlike you, I've never been in an accident. Hell, I've never even been pulled over!
I'm also really tired of hearing "Oh, women drivers are worse than men! Therefore, your driving must suck!"
Fuck you. I don't even answer the phone while I'm driving, much less try to do shit like text and whatnot.
And if you don't like the way I drive, you can find your own fucking ride to D&D.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|12:59 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boozeahol, jobs, life, work | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hello Seattle- Owl City | ] |
Apparently, Disaronno fucks me up more than I realised.
Last night was so much fun. Except for the answering the phone when certain dorky Asian boys call.
Major Headdesking there.
And why do I always wake up between 8 and 8:30 am the morning after I've been drinking heavily? This is like the third or fourth time it's happened. It's really weird.
Having a car came in right in time, because I have to pick everyone up for D&D tonight, apparently.
Monday at three, I go in to Sears to fill out paperwork, woohoo! |
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| FUCKING GERMANS |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|01:39 pm] |
Is anyone else vaguely disturbed that Rammstein's new music video is a 3 minute porn vid?
..Flake should never, ever do porn. God, I kind of wanted to gouge my eyes out at that part. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|03:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bittersweet | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vanilla Twilight- Owl City | ] |
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Someday, things will work out the way they're supposed to. <3
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| FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF... |
[Sep. 14th, 2009|11:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
Tim has to drop out of college.
We have no money. We have nothing.
So he's going to drop out, get a full-time job and try to pay off some of his debt.
Hopefully his mother doesn't kick us out.
I had an interview today, hopefully it went okay and I get the job. I have a second interview with them on Thursday.
In other news,
I have got it bad for a certain dorky Asian boy. But I'm not letting him drive.
And I'm sick. Woo!
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|05:12 pm] |
Happy 8th birthday, Tamara.
Things are going to get hard(er) for you soon, and I wish your auntie Sammy was there to help you through it all. |
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